go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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