That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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