At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
