Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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