He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You made out with two different species that night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
