There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
