he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
