just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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