it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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