No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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