He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I love you. Go after that dick
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
