so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
