I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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