Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
