All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
