I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
