I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
