actually, I'm a sock model
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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