I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
