Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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