just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
