Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
