Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
