youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize