I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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