Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
