Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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