Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
