3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
your room smells of hookers.
And success
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
