Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
