oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
