we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
