oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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