and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
