dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
