Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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