so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
