Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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