I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
