Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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