Your face is a jimmy john
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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