um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Who died my cat blue again?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
