I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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