Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
