I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
