Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
