She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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