There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
