im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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