News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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