by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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