stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize