I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
