My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
