I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
