I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
