Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
