The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
