and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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