Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
