She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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