watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
