And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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