I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
