So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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