Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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