After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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