can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
