Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The struggles of a small town man whore
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
