I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
