Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
