My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
