I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
