what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
