I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
