we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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