Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
