I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
