Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
