Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
