Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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