Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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