guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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