We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
