dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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