I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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