Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
