my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize