They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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