Who did Billy Mays play for?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
