So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drunk is not a location!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
