I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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