just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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