...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just had sex on a roof
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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