The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
