I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize