No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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