We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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