I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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