Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
