I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
